the weekend briefly and trip news...

...if it weren't so sad, it would be funny. My love life that is! Oh, I won't be too hard on myself, but geez. Ok- no more complaining, whiners are weiners.

On to the next.

the weekend went by very quickly. I worked both Friday and Saturday so come Sunday morning I was exhausted, but had a wonderful time meeting up with friends at a Tapas Party. Lots of yummy food and sangria to go around. Then we went down to Ocean View Park and had fun dancing to Big Band music.

 {not the exact location, but it looks pretty similiar. Via Hither and Thither}

Getting both excited and super nervous about this trip to Haiti. I had a mini melt-down yesterday about the trip. We had a meeting to go over everything and my trip leader, bless his heart, I know he's not trying to scare us but....it's just so much to take in. I know that it's something that I have to do, so I'm beginning deep prayer over the next month. I'm going to see a lot of things that I have never seen before. And I'm sure my heart will break time and time again. But, I have to go. I have to show them love and help those who desperately need it. I have to.

contentment

I've been called a label whore more than once...and I'm thinking that needs to change.  I mean who really cares if this cute yellow shirt that I just so happen to be wearing right now is from Banana Republic...umm, I do apparently. I also care that my two favorite rings that I wear are from Tiffany & Co. and that my coffee comes from Starbucks.   That burger and fries even looks better to me  because it's packaged in Chanel.

This is lame.

I need to get over all of the 'things' in this world that make me feel like 'me' and hold on to what really makes me, me, 'Christ.'

You all will have to keep me in check though. Because right now all I want to do is go my some Chanel nail polish... {le sigh}

lonely cheese

So, I’ve had some time to really think over my ‘lonely’ questions and I’ve come to this conclusion---- I will never marry. (OK- that’s a little dramatic but the thought did seriously cross my mind as I lie in bed last night next to someone and felt so lonely.)

Filling your time with someone just to have someone is like going to the bathroom when your friend(s) have to go. You know you don’t have to pee yet you can’t bear to be the cheese that stands alone. And so you go, sometimes you do end up peeing and other times you just stand in front of the mirror, applying more lip-gloss which you probably don’t need, waiting for your friend(s) to exit the stall.

I don’t want to wait in the bathroom anymore. I’d rather tough it out alone then participate in superficial ‘togetherness.’ And if that means that I won’t have a warm body lying next to me for a while then I’ll deal with it, just how I’ve had to deal with other things in my life.

The cheese now stands alone.

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Ok- I've been mulling this over in my head for hours now. Well, if I am 100% honest with myself I have been thinking about it for years. Let me pose a question to you. The Bible says that the Lord will comfort his people and I do believe this to be true. But, what about when it's a Saturday night and you are alone yet AGAIN. Will God comfort you then and even if he does would it be the same as if an actual person were there to comfort you?

Is it wrong to fill your loneliness with someone, if they might not be the 'right' someone?

Dating and Jupiter

Is it just me or do you sometimes feel a little nervous when you read stories about women who are 35 and never married? (If you are 35 and never married, I mean no disrespect.) Look, I’m 23 and have been single for a couple of years but I know that the Lord has called me to marriage; I just don’t know when. So, when I hear stories about women who are 35 and single, I can’t help but wonder if that’s what the Lord has in mind for me. Don’t get me wrong, 35 is not old, but when I think about how I want to married for a couple of years and then have three children, 35 seems a little…distant. Trust me I know that 23 is young and that I still have ‘plenty of time’ but, the more articles I read about my current single status the more anxious I get. So, what is the solution? Don’t read articles about 35 year old single woman, go out and start dating away or just relax and wait on God? Geez, I know what the answer is but just because you know something doesn’t mean you always understand it.

For example, I know that Jupiter is 11 times the diameter of the Earth, but I don’t actually understand that. My mind can’t seem to wrap its arms around that fact. Even though my mind can’t quite comprehend it I still trust that it’s true.

So, instead of trying to understand exactly what God has planned for my particular love life, I will try (seriously try) to relax and wait to see what amazing things He’s going to do…

Unable to see the sky

My favorite passage of scripture of all time is Psalm 139. Let me tell you, those verses have got me through some hard times. When it felt like I couldn’t pray and talk to God, I read it and wouldn’t feel 100% instantaneously but would feel a sense of comfort.

Well, I read it this morning and was just reflecting on everything that I had been going through.

I have a friend that I met over two years ago at a church conference. It was one of those meetings where people were spying on us to see if they saw any sparks fly between us. Well, there weren’t any initial sparks but I was at least willing to get a match. We exchanged email addresses and he emailed me about a month after we first met.

We started on surface topics for a while but slowly the layers of self disclosure began to peel away. Things were going well and after about six months I began to wonder if he were interested in a more then friendly way…I mean you would think that after six months he would make a move! I questioned him about it and he said, “I would love to be in a relationship with you but you live in VA and I live in TN.”

To me it wasn’t an issue but I guess long distance affects us each differently. I said OK, and we continued to email each other off and on for two years. Finally, I had enough of wondering, questioning, and hoping for something to happen. After two years I was interested and I approached my pastor and his wife about the situation and they were immediately gung ho on getting me to TN and fast. I felt this burden to pray for him and thought about him often.

Anyway, to make a looong story short it worked out that one of the ladies from my church wanted to go to TN to visit her son. Enter me and the “coincidence” of it all that I was contemplating my pen pal relationship with my friend.

Off we went to TN. I did my best to not get my hopes up, to go with an open mind. Before we had even left, I spoke to him to see if he would even be available to ‘hang out.’ He agreed that he would. Ok great. So, we got there on Wednesday morning. I was ready to go to church with him that night. No phone call. Ok, well he did say that he was able to hang out on Thursday. Thursday morning I got a text saying that he would be able to hang out but not until later. Umm…OK, you know I can go with the flow. He arrived late, and when I saw him I must admit that he looked different than what I last remembered. After several minutes of where do you want to go? No, where do you want to go? (which I always find annoying) I decided that we should go to a tourist attraction that I wanted to visit and then dinner. Don’t get me wrong, I had a good time and laughed a lot but was overall disappointed with the way things had turned out. There was no spark, not even matches this time. He dropped me off back at my friends house with promises to call.

He didn’t. I was pissed.

My pride was wounded and of course, I began to question my beauty, intelligence, spiritual-ness, any and everything that encompassed who I am. It’s sad but true and I am not ashamed to admit it. I then began to question God. Why had he led me to pray for this man so earnestly, and often? Why had He worked it out so that I would be able to visit him? It felt like God had just punk’d me and I was embarrassed and angry.

After a couple of days of being angry with God, and a little crying, I ran across Psalm 63:8. I poured it out to him. I didn’t understand why he had done what he did but I knew that it was His perfect will for my life. It wasn’t an instantaneous thing either, but I eventually, little by little am finding my way back to God. I share all of this with you because perhaps you are going through some things that you don’t understand but I just want to encourage you that God has got it. His track record has proved to be perfect in my life and I know that he wouldn’t turn His back on me now, or ever.