rage against the norms...

 {photo found here}

At least that's how I've been feeling over the past couple of days. I'm working on a free lance piece for Christian Women's Connection and hopefully some other publications, and it has really got me thinking about the way I think. Especially when it comes to men. Geez. At times I feel like i have messed that area up so much, and even though I know I'm forgiven... it still kinda sucks and I need my Father's mercy and grace more and more.
I know I'm coming out of left field with this today, but I'm kinda on fire.

I've been forced to stop and think about what it is that I really want in life and if I'm really working towards them. I can say all day that I want to buy a house, but if I never start saving then how is that dream going to become a reality?

If I say that I want to marry a good Christian man, then don't I have to be a good Christian woman... um hello?

I will totally be expanding on this in the weeks to come but I just had to get out some of my thoughts on this now.

Whew! Get ready ladies, it's happening!

being a christian is like....

being constantly surrounded with words of love. Even at your lowest low. You always know that You are loved and that no matter how many times you mess it up, or make mistakes, the love never leaves.

{You can buy these cute wall decals!}

lazy bones and dreams

 {photo by Julia Stotz}

 

ugh! I've been feeling lazy about writing lately. Haven't necessarily felt inspired as of late. Actually if I'm being honest; I have felt inspired, I just haven't felt like writing about it.

Any who, I guess I had better clue you in on what's new with me. I have been wanting to move for quite some time, probably seriously for six months. I've had job interviews etc, but for whatever reason things just haven't worked out. I've been seriously praying that the Lord would either:

A. Help me find another job somewhere else so I can move -or-

B. Help me to stay content if moving isn't in the cards for me right now

So, I've been looking and searching and hoping and praying. My church announced back in December or January that they were going to do a church plant in Charlotte, NC. I quickly read over the information but at the time I had NO interest in being involved in a church plant. I mean, I just didn't feel 'holy' enough.

Time passed, seasons changed and I find myself being drawn to Charlotte. It's the weirdest thing. Now, let me preface it with saying that I naturally have an obsessive personality. {Not something that I am particularly proud of, but at least at this stage I can admit it.} When I get an idea in my head, it's stuck there for quite some time. 

I started praying about whether or not Charlotte would be my next destination. I'm still not sure of what will come from all of my research and job hunting but...

1. One of my very closest friends was shocked when I mentioned it to her because she was just talking to her dad about whether or not she should move there. (This was before I had said anything to her)

2. I went to the informational meeting at my church and already love my pastor and his wife although she is shy, I'm pretty sure we can be friends.

3. My friend and I have planned a trip to visit Charlotte April 8-11th

4. I already have one job interview lined up

I don't want to jump to conclusions, I don't want to say, "Oh, I'm moving to Charlotte Next WEEK!" I just want to be perfectly patient and wait for God's direction. And I'm not trying to be super spiritual, I just really mean it....

it's a new season

Happy Monday, while it is raining and overcast here in Hampton Roads I can't be sad because we had the most lovely weather over the weekend. I'm talking mid 80's! I'm so excited that it's officially spring. 

I'm not going to lie, the winter was pretty tough and I don't just mean weather wise. There were many battles fought, many tears shed, and many nights of fitful sleep but, and I mean this so seriously, the Lord truly carried me through it all. 

Last night, I took some time to read through my journal entries from January February and the beginning of March. While I was reading it, I couldn't help but wonder, "Did I write this?" Journal entries filled with such hope, promise, commitment to God, TRUST in God. It was almost as if I was reading someone else's work, from someone else's life. I mean since when did I have such a peace about things?!

Apparently, when I really gave it over to God, and layed it all out.

I was a ball of tears, heartbreak, worries, and stress lying naked on the cold ground with crumpled leaves surrounding me. The sky was gray, overcast with my emotions.  I cried out to God, yelled out to Him, groaned out to Him, and He heard me. He wrapped His strong arms around me. Clothed me and picked me up as if I were a child, His child, and rocked me while I wept. When I stopped crying He didn't let go. His strong hold was still on me. He wiped away all signs of tears and bounced me in the air, making me smile and giggle like a toddler. I stood on my feet once again, but I knew I wasn't alone. In fact He was holding my hand, helping me cross the street, helping me at the beginning and ending of each day. He spoke words of encouragement to my heart, he made me smile big and often. He introduced me to new friends and helped me rekindle old friendships. He fed me His Word daily and I ate, famished from malnutrition. He loved me, more than anyone ever could. And He rejoices with me at the start of this new season.

the love of fellowship

{photo by Max Wanger}

So, last night I went to my friends small group and let me just say that I'm so happy that I canceled by date, to go. It was so refreshing to be around 20 and 30 something Christians, who have a desire to serve God in a very real way, without being boring, uppity or lame. It was such a great group of girls and guys; granted there were more females than males but that's how it normally is anyway. But truthfully, it wasn't even about that, it was just about being surrounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ.

We opened up with prayer, had a time of praise and worship, and then we went on to the lesson which was all about our spiritual gifts. We took this spiritual gift assessment test where you labeled things from 0-4. According to the quiz my highest rankings were encouragement/exhortation, serving, and teaching. That was all fine and dandy but then I looked at my lower scores. Giving, (gulp), intercession, (gulp) evangelism (Double gulp!)
I was sorely disappointed with how low I had scored in these area, I mean we're talking 6 and 7 points... out of 20.

When we opened the floor for discussion we all commented how difficult evangelism really seemed. But the more we discussed it the more we realized that Evangelism is NOT just one thing. It's a street preacher, it's a missionary, it's handing out a track, it's going door to door, it's bringing up God in your daily conversations, it's letting your friends know where you stand, it's standing out no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it seems sometimes, it's holding the door for someone, visiting the elderly, writing a blog! We can't keep putting God and the things of God into a box, because He is so much more amazingly larger than that.

I digress. We followed up our discussion with a time of prayer. I mentioned to the group that I was looking to relocate and that I wanted prayer over that. They were all so supportive and encouraging.

After prayer we sat around chit chatting, several of them asking questions about what I did and where I was from. One guy in particular caught my attention. He came in a little late and sat on one of the couches across from me. While we were going through the lesson, he was talkative and vibrant, and brought such an ease to the group. During prayer, he prayed so genuinely, with adoration, and reference. I could quietly hear him whispering, "Yes, Lord" and "Thank you Jesus." And I'm not saying that I'm interested, because it's not even about that. But to encounter a man who's love for God was so apparent and real, well that's the most attractive thing I've ever seen.

I don't want to complain, but....

Where has the time gone..where has my life gone?! I wish I could write to you a totally upbeat and encouraging word today, but the truth is, I feel so crappy, so down, so alone.

A lot of things have transpired in the almost year that I was MIA. Where to begin..

Perhaps the largest thing that changed is that I am single...again. Things did not work out with B, as I had hoped. Well, they just didn't work out. Now, of course, that I look back all of the warning signs were there. All of the doubt, questioning and sin was there. The relationship was far from holy and yet for some reason I so desperately wanted it to work out. Why? I mean was I that desperate for attention, did I want a companion so bad that I was willing to lower my standards to have one? Well, yes. Shameful but truthful.

Not only am I dealing with all of the emotions that go with a breakup, but I feel stuck in a job that sucks. I know, I should be thankful to even have a job right now, but this is not what I want. I'm trying to move out of VA but things are going slow. I've had a lot of interviews but no actual offers, although, I did get to the final stages of a particular position in D.C. but I just did not feel right about accepting it, so I'm back at level 1.

My grandmother was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and the doctors are giving her a year.

I don't mean to sound super depressing right now. I just can't help but feeling alone and down right now. I've been reminding myself of scripture, I know that God is there for me. I do. I just wish...that I didn't feel so alone.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

I'm clinging to this.

My President

He's not just THE President of the United States, he's MY President, my leader, and I believe him to be my friend. While watching the inauguration online today at work, I can honestly say that I was actually PROUD to be an American. Most days I wish I were from England, France or some other classic European country. But today, for the first time, the only flag that I wanted to wave with my hands and heart was the American Flag. 

Hello again

Well, here I am. This feels news again, I need to stretch and get back into this. As you can see I haven’t written a post in quite some time. This was due partly to A. Being Lazy B. Getting caught up in everything else C. (Most importantly) Figuring that no one even read my blog so what’s the point

Yes, I will admit it I felt very defeated. I definitely slacked off in my writing because of disappoint but let me tell you that the Bible is so true when it says: “For your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him." Matthew 6:8b.

On Monday morning I checked my email to find this.

"Hi Lisa,

My name is Cherish and i live in London, UK,

I just recently joined the women praying boldly website and i really enjoy reading your blog twenty something. You have a creative way of capturing into writing the way you feel and your walk with the Lord, i feel inspired and I am glad that the Lord is using you to be a blessing to anyone who encounters your page and its such a blessing to me.

Many thanks and much appreciation!

Cherish!”

I was shocked. Not only did someone enjoy reading my blog but they even took the time to send me an email to let me know. Talk about encouragement! And then, because my heavenly father knows me so well, the email came from London, which is perhaps my favorite place in the world. So, to sum it all up, I feel encouraged and ready to start again. Thank you Cherish for your email. You have no idea how much it has encouraged me.

Money and Coffee

Ok, so I am officially an adult. And what the means to me now is that I have a significant amount of less money. Sure, I graduated from college and landed a job which could turn into a career, but I also landed, rent, car payment, health insurance, credit card debt, and student loans. It’s OK though. I am not freaking out…well not at this very moment. At times like these I cling to Philippians 4:19 and Romans 8:28.

Not only do I find myself clinging to God’s promises more but I find that I must budget better. My finances have to be controlled and that means that some common practices have to be reevaluated.

For example, my love affair with Starbucks has been reigned in. I used to get a coffee about two or three times a week. Now, unless I have a gift card, I don’t go. But, that doesn’t mean that I have to forgo my caffeine fix. Instead I make my own iced coffees at home and bought a travel cup, with a gift card, from Target. It’s much cheaper than the $4 that I would spend on my tall, non-fat, sugar free Vanilla Latte. And, I must say that they taste pretty good. Besides, I need to put that $4 in my gas tank!

The Struggle

Can I be honest for a minute? I haven’t been feeling very spiritual lately. As a matter of fact I have been feeling betrayed by God. ( I know it sounds crazy but that is how I feel) It really is a long story and I will of course share it with you, but right now I just wanted to tell You who’s reading this how I was feeling, how I am feeling.

I don’t really understand how the Lord works and that was never really an issue for me until this past weekend. Now, I just want to know what He is thinking, what He has planed for me because I am strugglin.

Sometimes it feels as if the world caves in on us, at least for me; and I can’t see straight and my joy is zapped from me so quickly. I sit around waiting for the next big disaster. But today, as I was wallowing in my unhappiness I looked at my computer desk to find all of the scriptures that I had put up when I was spiritually stronger. A part of me wanted to tear it all down but the other part of me had to cling on to it.

“Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.” Psalm 63:8

Tears came to my eyes and I silently cried at my desk. I didn’t care if anybody walked by and saw me. I had come to the end of myself. Even though I doubted, my soul had no choice but to pour it out. Perhaps I just took the first step back.

So good...

Psalm 34:8
O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

Safety and Protection

Psalm 91:1-2
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God ; in him will I trust.

Above All

Ephesians 3:20
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us

Wait

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.

Good Courage

Psalm 31:24
Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

Preserve Me

Psalm 25:21
Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee.

It's all Good...

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.

Pour it Out

Psalm 63:8
Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.