“I am learning to really just give all of myself to God; to go to Him for everything that I need and want. When I am confused about things, when I need direction, when I need comforting and when I need to just cry and let it out. When I am so thankful that it brings tears to my eyes, I go to God.
I went through a period where I was really rebelling against God and to come from that to where I am now and see the change, I know that it is only by God’s grace.
I am learning to trust Him more and to cast all of my cares on him. I am learning to be more thankful. I am learning to offer myself as a sacrifice.
I am growing so much closer to my church family. Loving them and showing it by calling them, encouraging them and helping them in their time of need, reaching out to those who have been in similar situations as me.
I am learning and changing into the woman who God created me to be. Not just another girl, but a Woman who is so in love with God that she chooses to wait on Him instead of trying to figure things out on her own.
I am learning to be radiant, to let my light shine for all to see. I am learning to live by faith.
I am learning more about my ABBA father and falling in love with Him each day.”
I wrote this email to a friend four months ago and happened to run across it today. Today; where I am feeling ‘unspiritual.’ Feeling like I have made every mistake in the book more than once, more than twice even. Feelings as if, I can’t let things go; don’t want to let them go and desperately trying to figure things out on my own. Like a stubborn child who won’t give up until she gets her way, that is where I am now. I have thrown myself on the floor in yet another tantrum.
And then, I read this email. Guilt and shame engulf me. How have I moved so much? When did I move? I used to give my problems over to God and now, I hold onto to them as if they were precious diamonds. More importantly, now that I am so far away how do I get back to that place of peace? How do I become that woman who wrote those words so passionately just months ago? Where do I turn?
‘You turn back to Me.’
I hear it so quietly. And I know that He is right. I must let it go. I must.
It is so easy, for us as women, to try to solve problems, to help out and fix things. That is essentially how God designed us. But when it is required of us to relinquish all control, we struggle, we fight. We are ‘unsure.’
I will never pretend that I have all of the answers. Even if I did put on that ‘know it all’ façade you would know the truth. What I do know is that I have hope. I was that passionate woman who wrote that email. I was that woman who let God rule her life.
I must let go.