tapas are my new favorite thing

Buenos Dias. I am super tired this morning but it's definitely worth out. Went out to Bardo in Norfolk, Virginia with my "friend" S. The food was simply amazing. I'm considering becoming a vegetarian {I'll save all those details for another post} and the menu had plenty to offer. I had delicious vegetable spring rolls with hoisin, ginger and peanut dipping sauce and coconut curry soup. The soup had so much flavor, and the spices didn't just quickly dissipate after you ate them. They gradually got stronger and stronger until I realized that the reason that I was hot was because of the curry. Trust me, just order it.

Anyway, had a great time with S. on our date. We both had wine with our meals and then split dessert which was dim sum donuts with a round of dipping sauces. Oh, they just melted in your mouth. (Next time I go I will be sure to take pictures.)

Overall all the evening was lovely. Even ended with a kiss, and a good kiss at that. (Although I must say that I enjoy slower kissing and he seemed much more....ravenous?)

I was completely elated about the night, called my girlfriend to fill her in and all and then that's when he called. He was like I haven't drank in a while so I think I should chill before I drive, can I come over to your place? Um...... Although I appreciated his responsibility there was no way that I wanted him over, at 11:45 p.m. I'm not an idiot, brotha. I politely told him that if he didn't have GPS, then it would probably be very difficult for him to get to my place. {that is not a lie. It really is tricky unless you know the area}

Anyway, all in all a pretty good night. Now, on to the day in which I must try and focus and get some real work done instead of dreaming about Charlotte and looking up apartments online...

lady in a red dress

 {Found here}

I'm so wanting this red dress from Anthropologie... and I've never bought anything from them before. I know, I know! {That's practically unheard of in the blog world.}

I really really REALLY want it and the price is great, $50. Perhaps a little splurge is necessary so I can have it for my trip to Charlotte... {pretty please with sugar AND sprinkles}

a lovely thing

this really excites me and confirms the fact that I want all white dishes. The lovely hutch would be a bonus...

{Photo found here}

Weekend Musings

Happy Monday. It's raining here in Hampton Roads but I don't mind it so much. It makes things kinda cozy plus, I get to wear my Banana Republic trench coat that I got on sale three years ago. Sigh, there's nothing like a classic trench. 

But, I digress. The weekend was perfectly pleasant although I did struggle with boredom on Saturday. I normally work at the Museum most Saturdays but our schedule for the coming month is very light so I was off. Great!.... Except now what? After having a lovely coffee date with a new friend I drove around for a while looking for something to do. I tried cleaning my room, but just couldn't get into it. So, I laid around, ate, laid around some more, went to Walmart?, laid around and then watched movies. It's kinda sad that it's that difficult for me to relax. But, I'm learning nonetheless. 

I did have a fantastic Palm Sunday spent with family and friends. The message that was preached was so powerful. He spoke about a time of Lament. When you are crying out to God, begging God, screaming at God, during all of that He never leaves You, He never forsakes you. Never. It really struck home because I was definitely going through my time of Lament this winter. And I felt God so close to me, even though I was going through it. Plus, it was comforting to know that what I was going through actually has a name, and that I am not alone. In fact, we're never alone.

Dinner was spent at my parents house. We feasted on Shrimp Marinara with scallops, and corn and the best and easiest strawberry shortcake. (I ate mine too fast, hence the lack of picture.) Seriously, buy angel food cake, cut up bunches of strawberries, add a can of Lite Reddi Whip and let the magic happen. Delicious and low fat. yum. 

Family time was awesome, lots of laughter, jokes and talks of relationships, past and future. Followed by the latest episode of Project Runway and The Celebrity Apprentice. (The only real reason I watch The Celebrity Apprentice is to see Curtis Stone {le sigh}  and to yell at the TV about how their making rookie mistakes. Oh, you didn't know I was the Arbiter of all things business?)

All in all a perfectly lovely weekend.

lazy bones and dreams

 {photo by Julia Stotz}
ugh! I've been feeling lazy about writing lately. Haven't necessarily felt inspired as of late. Actually if I'm being honest; I have felt inspired, I just haven't felt like writing about it.

Any who, I guess I had better clue you in on what's new with me. I have been wanting to move for quite some time, probably seriously for six months. I've had job interviews etc, but for whatever reason things just haven't worked out. I've been seriously praying that the Lord would either:

A. Help me find another job somewhere else so I can move -or-
B. Help me to stay content if moving isn't in the cards for me right now

So, I've been looking and searching and hoping and praying. My church announced back in December or January that they were going to do a church plant in Charlotte, NC. I quickly read over the information but at the time I had NO interest in being involved in a church plant. I mean, I just didn't feel 'holy' enough.

Time passed, seasons changed and I find myself being drawn to Charlotte. It's the weirdest thing. Now, let me preface it with saying that I naturally have an obsessive personality. {Not something that I am particularly proud of, but at least at this stage I can admit it.} When I get an idea in my head, it's stuck there for quite some time. 

I started praying about whether or not Charlotte would be my next destination. I'm still not sure of what will come from all of my research and job hunting but...

1. One of my very closest friends was shocked when I mentioned it to her because she was just talking to her dad about whether or not she should move there. (This was before I had said anything to her)
2. I went to the informational meeting at my church and already love my pastor and his wife although she is shy, I'm pretty sure we can be friends.
3. My friend and I have planned a trip to visit Charlotte April 8-11th
4. I already have one job interview lined up

I don't want to jump to conclusions, I don't want to say, "Oh, I'm moving to Charlotte Next WEEK!" I just want to be perfectly patient and wait for God's direction. And I'm not trying to be super spiritual, I just really mean it....

how i'm feeling today...

"tis a far far better thing, doing stuff for other people..."

for the hate of money

I never thought it was true until now but sometimes you really shouldn't talk about money with friends. Take for example yesterday. My entire office was called into the boardroom to announce that we had just taken on a new client. Great, yay. 

As a way to encourage us to seek out new clients we have a bonus program. One of my co-workers and friend, B, had referred the client and so the big boss said a short congratulations to B and said that he would be getting a bonus. I was so happy for him, he works really hard and totally deserves. 

BUT, when I got back to my desk he preceded to send me instant messages about how he was upset that they announced that he would be getting a a bonus. Uummm, OK, I said but you should be proud of the fact that you got it. What's the Big deal? He wouldn't stop, he just kept bringing it up, bringing up the fact that he works hard everyday and shouldn't only be recognized for bringing in new clients, the fact that he stays late everyday, etc etc etc. Finally I was like look, If you want a pat on the back every time you stay late or do something good then you're going to have to move to another company because that just doesn't happen here. That kinda shut him up. But then this morning, I asked him if he was still upset about the whole thing. He was but said that he had talked to his roommates, who mind you have exceptional careers in politics etc,  and said that they understood so he felt better. 

Um, so does that mean that because I'm just a 'Meetings Assistant' that there's no possible way that I could understand? Am, I somehow dumb and blissfully unaware that bonuses are negative things? Here's a hint, how about you not rub the fact that you got a bonus in my face, five times in one day. 

OK, I'm done.

it's a new season

Happy Monday, while it is raining and overcast here in Hampton Roads I can't be sad because we had the most lovely weather over the weekend. I'm talking mid 80's! I'm so excited that it's officially spring. 
I'm not going to lie, the winter was pretty tough and I don't just mean weather wise. There were many battles fought, many tears shed, and many nights of fitful sleep but, and I mean this so seriously, the Lord truly carried me through it all. 

Last night, I took some time to read through my journal entries from January February and the beginning of March. While I was reading it, I couldn't help but wonder, "Did I write this?" Journal entries filled with such hope, promise, commitment to God, TRUST in God. It was almost as if I was reading someone else's work, from someone else's life. I mean since when did I have such a peace about things?!

Apparently, when I really gave it over to God, and layed it all out.

I was a ball of tears, heartbreak, worries, and stress lying naked on the cold ground with crumpled leaves surrounding me. The sky was gray, overcast with my emotions.  I cried out to God, yelled out to Him, groaned out to Him, and He heard me. He wrapped His strong arms around me. Clothed me and picked me up as if I were a child, His child, and rocked me while I wept. When I stopped crying He didn't let go. His strong hold was still on me. He wiped away all signs of tears and bounced me in the air, making me smile and giggle like a toddler. I stood on my feet once again, but I knew I wasn't alone. In fact He was holding my hand, helping me cross the street, helping me at the beginning and ending of each day. He spoke words of encouragement to my heart, he made me smile big and often. He introduced me to new friends and helped me rekindle old friendships. He fed me His Word daily and I ate, famished from malnutrition. He loved me, more than anyone ever could. And He rejoices with me at the start of this new season.

too much?

 {photo by Max Wanger}
How is it Wednesday already? This week has been flying by and I'm sure that the  weeks to come will do so as well. Things have been quite busy around here with work and lots of play! 

Last night I met up with one of my greatest friends Matt. He is THE most laid back guy I have EVER met in my ENTIRE life. (Yes, the exaggeration was needed there.) Anyway, we went out to dinner with him and his cousins and I just always have a crush on him. I don't know what it is. We always joke around about dating and at one point we even talked about it, but it just never happened. Maybe because we're too different?

I mean, I work 40-60 hours a week, date random guys, I'm pretty trendy/sophisticated (if I do say so myself) and just different. He's this super laid back, skater boy, going to grad school, who LOVES music, traveling, photography and randomness. He wears skinny tight boy jeans and grows a beard every now and then and sometimes he dresses like a lumberjack. But that is everything that I LOVE about him. Anyway, he's my friend and we'll always be friends, so that's that. 

He said something to me last night that really kinda shook me though. His cousin Seth, who is like the 2nd coolest guy I have ever met, was all heartbroken because him and his girlfriend broke up. He's 18 and I was like, "Dude, trust me you'll get over it." He went on to explain that he wasn't just dating her to date her but that he had hoped that they would get to the courting phase. Whoa! That was the first time I had ever heard an 18 year old male  say courting. So Matt and I were giving him advice and so we started talking about marriage. I obviously want to get married and Matt was teasing me about it. 

"You want it too much though." 
Me. "What?! No, I don't. It's just that..."
"If you had to pick between a husband and God who would you pick."
"Ok, now say that with some conviction and without rolling your eyes."

Sigh. Maybe I do want it too much? Because even though I managed to say it with conviction, I'm still thinking about it today. And the problem, well just one of them, is that let's say God does give me a husband. Well, what's after that? All of my obsessing, worrying, stressing and tears gone because my prayers have been answered. I feel in a way like I would be lost. Does that make sense? So, it's really got me thinking, what do I want more?

the love of fellowship

{photo by Max Wanger}

So, last night I went to my friends small group and let me just say that I'm so happy that I canceled by date, to go. It was so refreshing to be around 20 and 30 something Christians, who have a desire to serve God in a very real way, without being boring, uppity or lame. It was such a great group of girls and guys; granted there were more females than males but that's how it normally is anyway. But truthfully, it wasn't even about that, it was just about being surrounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ.

We opened up with prayer, had a time of praise and worship, and then we went on to the lesson which was all about our spiritual gifts. We took this spiritual gift assessment test where you labeled things from 0-4. According to the quiz my highest rankings were encouragement/exhortation, serving, and teaching. That was all fine and dandy but then I looked at my lower scores. Giving, (gulp), intercession, (gulp) evangelism (Double gulp!)
I was sorely disappointed with how low I had scored in these area, I mean we're talking 6 and 7 points... out of 20.

When we opened the floor for discussion we all commented how difficult evangelism really seemed. But the more we discussed it the more we realized that Evangelism is NOT just one thing. It's a street preacher, it's a missionary, it's handing out a track, it's going door to door, it's bringing up God in your daily conversations, it's letting your friends know where you stand, it's standing out no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it seems sometimes, it's holding the door for someone, visiting the elderly, writing a blog! We can't keep putting God and the things of God into a box, because He is so much more amazingly larger than that.

I digress. We followed up our discussion with a time of prayer. I mentioned to the group that I was looking to relocate and that I wanted prayer over that. They were all so supportive and encouraging.

After prayer we sat around chit chatting, several of them asking questions about what I did and where I was from. One guy in particular caught my attention. He came in a little late and sat on one of the couches across from me. While we were going through the lesson, he was talkative and vibrant, and brought such an ease to the group. During prayer, he prayed so genuinely, with adoration, and reference. I could quietly hear him whispering, "Yes, Lord" and "Thank you Jesus." And I'm not saying that I'm interested, because it's not even about that. But to encounter a man who's love for God was so apparent and real, well that's the most attractive thing I've ever seen.

i peeked...

I would like to state for the record that I am not crazy. Nor am I stalker of any kind. Now, on to the story....

So, I was supposed to have dinner with the Chrysler guy today, but I ended up rescheduling with him, via text last night. The main reason for my sudden change of plans is the fact that I want to attend my friends small group session from my church. I have been wanting to get more involved in my church and I thought a small group would be a perfect start.

And, I felt like it was kind of a slap in the face to God, to ditch HIM and something that I have been wanting for weeks, to go out with a guy that I had literally no future with. So, I rescheduled.

He texted me back like 2 hours later saying that he couldn't answer because he is a soccer coach and they had just finished a game. Soccer coach, eh? That's kinda sexy. Anyway, we texted back and forth for a while and he definitely has swag. Super confident, but not cocky.

So today, at work, he randomly popped into my head and I did the most obscene, ridiculous, shamefaced thing....

I googled him. (Sigh) So, now I know a myriad of details about his life including the fact that we are both alumni from the same college; except he graduated like 20 years before me. I told you he was older.

So, if you're wondering whatever happened to the mystery of meeting someone new? Google is what happened.

in the middle of me

{photo by Max Wagner}

OK. I don't want to become cynical. But, I feel like it's happening. I know that Bible says, that those who compare themselves amongst themselves are not wise. {2 Corinthians 10:12} I do, I really know that it says that and I try so hard to not compare but it just seems to happen...often.

I mean, I look at a lot of Christian women my age. A lot of them are married, with children, very active in their church, wear dresses all the time, don't swear, or drink, or watch Sex in the City. They somehow always manage to incorporate God into their conversations, they always say, "I'll pray for you," and you KNOW that they will, and they have their devotions every day. They spend their days, cooking, cleaning, carting around children, or if they don't have kids they go home to their husbands and have guilt free sex whenever they want.

And then there's me. The 20 something single Christian woman. I'm single, with no children, still transitioning from the church that I grew up in to a church that's better suited for where I am in life. I don't wear dresses all the time, however I have been wearing them more lately {I really enjoy being feminine}, I swear occasionally, I drink occasionally, and I own every episode of Sex in the City. I'm trying each to day to incorporate God and Jesus into my daily conversations, but I still find myself obsessing over things that are not of him, i.e. read my last post. I try to remember to pray for everybody, but forget especially on mornings when I wake up late for work and quickly read a scripture. I spend my days working at job, that isn't terrible, but my heart desires more, I haven't cooked in like 2 weeks and my dinners lately have been consisting of baked french fries, or a bowl of cereal. Plus it takes me a really long time to do laundry, which is precisely why I have so many panties. And we're not even going to talk about the guilt free sex; it just doesn't exist in my world.

So then, where do I stand? Do I desire to be like those other women, and get married and have children. Well, yes. I absolutely want those things for my life. Do I need to work on being more godly... obviously. But, I don't want to become a cookie cutter woman. And I know it's unfair to think that's what will happen, but I do.

In a way, I almost fear being transformed because there are many things that I like about myself or that I enjoy doing that aren't necessarily ungodly, but I know that if I shared with others they would of course say that they were. Am I making sense?

I just want to be me, BUT and this is a big but; I guess it's not really about what I want but what God wants for me. But what exactly am I willing to give up....

men...and more men

So, I'm pretty terrible at keeping you updated on my 'love-life.' And I'll just be honest that I'm not sure as to how much I should be sharing sometimes. You never know in this blog world how many people are reading these things and just how connected they are to you. But, the whole purpose of 20 something is to share and encourage, so I will, with a bit of discretion of course...

My lunch date that I had last week went well. I had great time with my new friend S. It's kinda funny because when I first saw him my initial thought was, "Wow, you're cuter than I thought you would be." (I, of course, did not say this out loud.) Anyway, lunch was fun, we laughed, talked and joked about a lot of different things. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. No biggie. He told me that he would call later that evening, which I shrugged to and said OK. I was a little surprised when he actually called though, because that's a hell of a follow up. We chatted for a little bit and then he got busy doing something and said he would call me back, which he didn't but I wasn't disappointed.

The next day He texted. And then called. (A chat of what are you doing tonight. I said I was hanging out with my girlfriends. He asked where. I said I don't know. Talk to you later.)

Next day. Text. (What are you doing tonight)

Next day. Text and then call. (What time are you coming over. We had planned on Thursday to watch the Academy Awards together.)

Watched the Oscars at his place. Left around midnight when it was over.
10mins later. Text (Call me when you get home)

Next day call. (How's your day going)

Next day call. (Want to have lunch?)

Umm...do you see where I'm going with this? S. is really nice but entirely too eager. And it's a huge turn off. Granted I realize that if I really liked him, I would probably just chalk it up to, "He's so attentive!" But alas, the chemistry just isn't really there for me. I'm still trying to figure out a way to let him know that, "I think you're a nice guy, but I just want to be friends" without saying that.

On to the next. I have a dinner date with the guy from the Chrysler, which I am surprisingly excited about. Granted he is older, so I seriously doubt anything will come from this, but I want to meet new people and have a good time so.... cest la vie.
We've had our casual back and forth texts about making plans but so far he has been very subtle, confident, and kinda sexy about the whole thing. So, I'm looking forward to it.

Finally, my friend B. (Sigh) Where do I even begin with this one. We used to 'date' in a way, but nothing really serious. Then I started dating my ex and we pretty much stopped hanging out altogether, because it was kinda awkward and uncomfortable. Anyway, now that I'm single, I am attracted to him yet again, but not really sure what do with all this energy. To be honest, I made it very clear that I'm interested, but because he is interested in someone else that makes for a no go, besides casual flirting here and there. (Sigh) Which to be honest, I know that I wouldn't want to get into a relationship with him anyway, so why am I wasting so much energy on it? Perhaps, I just like the attention.

Anyway, hopefully I will never do an entire post of the guys that I'm dating because it seems a tad overindulgent. Plus, I just re-read my post and um, no where do I mention God, or Jesus or what He would have to say about all of my dates, the men I choose or my love life in general....What do you think?

scenes from the weekend

Happy Monday to you all. I hope you had a relaxing and enjoyable weekend with lots of laughter and smiles.

I spent Friday night with one of my co-workers. First at Happy Hour at Friday's and then we went for manicures. I wasn't sure about the lavender nail polish at first, but now I'm kinda loving it.

Saturday morning, I got up early and made a yummy, quick! and healthy breakfast, and lounged around in bed all morning until I had to go to work.

Saturday afternoon and night was consumed with a huge wedding. It was a traditional Jewish ceremony and I love, love loved it. It was so beautiful and I really feel in love with the tradition, the signing of the Ketubah, the Chuppah, the breaking of the glass, the prayers. It was lovely.

And then to top it all off it was beautiful! I might as well admit that I have a thing for cute Jewish boys. I don't know what it is. Perhaps their distinct features, and hair and, well I LIKE their noses. Perhaps I just want to marry one so that I can have a big Jewish wedding. (Although I must make it clear that they would need to be a Christian for obvious reasons. You know, the whole unequally yoked thing would be a BIG deal. And in case you think I am completely crazy, there are Christian Jews.)

{The florist gave me two buckets of flowers! I made some arrangements for home and then took one in for work to brighten up the front desk. Simple gestures for Make A Difference Mondays}

I spent Sunday morning in church with an awesome message. Visited a close friend who is in the hospital. She's actually like my grandmother, but things are looking too good for her, so keep her in your prayers. Hung out with brother and then watched the Oscars with a new friend. What did you do this weekend?

sassy calling cards...

ok, I found one more thing that I really need...umm want. These calling cards are super sexy and confident. what do you think, funny or too sassy? Bonus, they are hand letter pressed out in California. At $6 for 6 cards though, I would probably just want to hold onto them!

Found on etsy.

some purple passion...

Can I just tell you for one minute how much I love this room. It's perfection with the delicious purple walls. I would love to re-create something like this in my bedroom. (No, I'm not coveting, I just really love it.)

I especially need that tree branch looking thing to hold my necklaces. Le Sigh. Too bad I can't paint in my current apartment but I'm sure I can somehow get this same feel. Want to see more of this amazing house? Click here...

latte love

This just looked too yummy to not post. I wish there was a cafe in Hampton Roads that could make these. Anybody know of one?

Photo found here.

Thursdays are such a tease....

Happy Thursday! Only one day left to the weekend which should be fantastic. Although, I don't have plans, except for Saturday, which I have to work at the Museum; did I ever mention that I'm a Special Events Manager? Well, I am. I mostly do a lot of weddings at our facility and they are all lovely, and I always sneak a piece of wedding cake.

Anyway, I will be working all afternoon and evening on Saturday, and Sunday I have church and then who knows what will happen after that. I really want to watch the Academy Awards and a little red carpet, but alas I do not have cable at my home, so I'm going to have to find someone's cable to borrow for the evening.

Last night I met my brother, at the museum as we were having our Wednesday night Jazz event. It's open to the public and it's free jazz, so why not go? It was so random how I actually knew almost everyone at the table he was sitting at. In fact one of my friends thought I was coming to see him, and then I was like, "Um, you're sitting with brother, so hello!"
It was a great time. I kinda met this guy...

And the only reason I'm going to say kinda is because he was a little bit older. Ok, ok, a lot older. How old? Well, let's just say that when I told my girlfriends how old he was, they were a bit in shock, and no he's not 60. Anyway, I doubt anything will really come from it but it's nice to be thought as of a,"good looking, intelligent and smart woman." (yes, he actually said those words.)

I also have a 'lunch date' today. As a matter of fact it's kinda blind date. I'm not really sure how it happened. Well, yes I am, I met one of our sponsors at an event and I had to leave early. He looked at me and said, "Why do you have a date?" I had to laugh because a matter of fact I did. (It was horrible date, barely worth mentioning.) Anyway, he was like, I have this guy in my office, blah, blah, blah, you should meet. Originally the three of us were supposed to go but he totally bailed on me today so it will just be me and this other guy. Kinda random but I'm always for it. I will be sure and give you guys an update.

reason #425 you shouldn't have sex before you get married

I'm not a virgin. I'm not ashamed or proud to say it. It's just a fact. Anyway, during my last relationship, sex did play a role. Well, as you know that relationship did not work out. While we were together I was on birth control and we always practiced safe sex. Anyway, I recently came off of BC and didn't really think anything of it, until last night, rather this morning, at 3am I shot up in bed and realized that I never had a period in February.

Freaked out, doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. I lied back down in my bed, but my mind was racing and I knew that sleep at that stage was pointless. I dragged myself out of bed, put on sweats and boots, because it was sleeting outside and drove to Walgreens to get a pregnancy test.

I wasn't embarrassed that I was buying a pregnancy test at 3am. No, embarrassment didn't hit me until I left the store, went back to my car and realized that I still had zit cream on my face that I had applied night before. Sexy, I know.

Anyway, I went home and chugged some Crystal Light to, you know speed along the process, did the deed, and then waited. I put in a DVD of friends to distract myself. Five minutes later, I went into the bathroom and saw that the test was negative. Thank God. I still felt uneasy though because I still hadn't gotten a period, but I was able to get to sleep that night.

My point is, that if I was never having sex in the first place then I would never had to have gone through all of that. The nerves, the sweating, the loss of sleep, the "I swear God, I will never have sex again, if you let me be not pregnant" thoughts. I mean, it's kind of ridiculous and it has become very clear to me that God, doesn't want us to not have sex until marriage because, He wants us to miss out on the 'fun'. (And I say 'fun' because let me tell you, if you have the Holy Spirit in you, the after effect of guilt and shame of fornication, doesn't make for an all around pleasurable experience.)

He tells us these things because he doesn't want his daughters to have wake up in the middle of the night worried about being pregnant, or worry about STD's, or have our hearts broken and the bitter icing on the top is that we gave it up to someone who 'loved us.' More than speaking on sex, the Bible talks about protecting our hearts. OUR HEARTS. He knows that sex to many woman, especially Christian women, is more than just a physical act. It's a connection, it's a moment where true one-ness is achieved.

So, I say all of that to tell you that:

A. I won't be having sex again until I'm married
B. Yes, I realize just how difficult that is going to be
C. I am seriously going to need help with this
D. Perhaps you should consider doing the same

The choice is so clearly yours. I'm just giving you my two cents

*By the way, I would like to happily report that I got my period.

is it coveting if..

So, I have this little obsession with fashion. No, I'm not the type to run around dropping hundreds of dollars on one pair of shoes, a la Carrie Bradshaw, but I do find myself perusing online stores, actual stores, catalogs and blogs all in the name of fashion. And I mean, what's really wrong with that? Aren't we supposed to look our best for the Lord? (ok, that might be a stretch but you get what I'm sayin)

This year as one of my 'resolutions', I have decided to take my fashion sense to the next level. Don't laugh, this is serious business. With my resolution comes the fact that I no longer want to buy clothes just for the sake of buying them. I want to love each and every piece that I have in my closet. Which also means that I need to seriously tackle this a project and donate A LOT of things that I a. Never wear, b. don't fit.

I really want to work on more 'put together' looks. Here's just two looks that I want to achieve for the spring. whatcha think?

The other side of the cloud...

Pslam 30:5b

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

So simple and true. Today has been...lovely so far. I don't feel like I am carrying my burdens anymore. I don't feel tired and run down. Yesterday, I most certainly did, but thank God that his promises are true. Seriously.

I know that am God's and that He has a plan for me. I get so sidetracked sometimes but I know that what he says is true. That He has wonderful thoughts of me and fantastic plans for my life. Granted, it would be nice to know exactly what He was thinking! But, if I knew all of that then why would I have a reason to trust him with my life? I guess I wouldn't.

Thank you God, for giving me your JOY.

I don't want to complain, but....

Where has the time gone..where has my life gone?! I wish I could write to you a totally upbeat and encouraging word today, but the truth is, I feel so crappy, so down, so alone.

A lot of things have transpired in the almost year that I was MIA. Where to begin..

Perhaps the largest thing that changed is that I am single...again. Things did not work out with B, as I had hoped. Well, they just didn't work out. Now, of course, that I look back all of the warning signs were there. All of the doubt, questioning and sin was there. The relationship was far from holy and yet for some reason I so desperately wanted it to work out. Why? I mean was I that desperate for attention, did I want a companion so bad that I was willing to lower my standards to have one? Well, yes. Shameful but truthful.

Not only am I dealing with all of the emotions that go with a breakup, but I feel stuck in a job that sucks. I know, I should be thankful to even have a job right now, but this is not what I want. I'm trying to move out of VA but things are going slow. I've had a lot of interviews but no actual offers, although, I did get to the final stages of a particular position in D.C. but I just did not feel right about accepting it, so I'm back at level 1.

My grandmother was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and the doctors are giving her a year.

I don't mean to sound super depressing right now. I just can't help but feeling alone and down right now. I've been reminding myself of scripture, I know that God is there for me. I do. I just wish...that I didn't feel so alone.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

I'm clinging to this.


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