too much?

 {photo by Max Wanger}
How is it Wednesday already? This week has been flying by and I'm sure that the  weeks to come will do so as well. Things have been quite busy around here with work and lots of play! 

Last night I met up with one of my greatest friends Matt. He is THE most laid back guy I have EVER met in my ENTIRE life. (Yes, the exaggeration was needed there.) Anyway, we went out to dinner with him and his cousins and I just always have a crush on him. I don't know what it is. We always joke around about dating and at one point we even talked about it, but it just never happened. Maybe because we're too different?

I mean, I work 40-60 hours a week, date random guys, I'm pretty trendy/sophisticated (if I do say so myself) and just different. He's this super laid back, skater boy, going to grad school, who LOVES music, traveling, photography and randomness. He wears skinny tight boy jeans and grows a beard every now and then and sometimes he dresses like a lumberjack. But that is everything that I LOVE about him. Anyway, he's my friend and we'll always be friends, so that's that. 

He said something to me last night that really kinda shook me though. His cousin Seth, who is like the 2nd coolest guy I have ever met, was all heartbroken because him and his girlfriend broke up. He's 18 and I was like, "Dude, trust me you'll get over it." He went on to explain that he wasn't just dating her to date her but that he had hoped that they would get to the courting phase. Whoa! That was the first time I had ever heard an 18 year old male  say courting. So Matt and I were giving him advice and so we started talking about marriage. I obviously want to get married and Matt was teasing me about it. 

"You want it too much though." 
Me. "What?! No, I don't. It's just that..."
"If you had to pick between a husband and God who would you pick."
"Ok, now say that with some conviction and without rolling your eyes."

Sigh. Maybe I do want it too much? Because even though I managed to say it with conviction, I'm still thinking about it today. And the problem, well just one of them, is that let's say God does give me a husband. Well, what's after that? All of my obsessing, worrying, stressing and tears gone because my prayers have been answered. I feel in a way like I would be lost. Does that make sense? So, it's really got me thinking, what do I want more?

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