English at Heart

I'm obsessed with England. No, really- obsessed. Ask anyone who knows me and they will empathically nod their head and roll their eyes at my sad little British fantasy. I don't know what it is, or how it even started, but I love everything British. So much so that I often imitate their lovely accent- even in text messages. My signature reads: (Insert British Accent) I don't think I ever realized how crazy that was until just now.
Anyway, ultimate fantasy is to meet and fall in love with a British man (with nice teeth) move to England and have a butt load of children so they can run around calling me mummy.
And if you don't believe that British children are in fact the cutest, take a look at this.

lonely cheese

So, I’ve had some time to really think over my ‘lonely’ questions and I’ve come to this conclusion---- I will never marry. (OK- that’s a little dramatic but the thought did seriously cross my mind as I lie in bed last night next to someone and felt so lonely.)

Filling your time with someone just to have someone is like going to the bathroom when your friend(s) have to go. You know you don’t have to pee yet you can’t bear to be the cheese that stands alone. And so you go, sometimes you do end up peeing and other times you just stand in front of the mirror, applying more lip-gloss which you probably don’t need, waiting for your friend(s) to exit the stall.

I don’t want to wait in the bathroom anymore. I’d rather tough it out alone then participate in superficial ‘togetherness.’ And if that means that I won’t have a warm body lying next to me for a while then I’ll deal with it, just how I’ve had to deal with other things in my life.

The cheese now stands alone.


_____________________________________________________________________
Ok- I've been mulling this over in my head for hours now. Well, if I am 100% honest with myself I have been thinking about it for years. Let me pose a question to you. The Bible says that the Lord will comfort his people and I do believe this to be true. But, what about when it's a Saturday night and you are alone yet AGAIN. Will God comfort you then and even if he does would it be the same as if an actual person were there to comfort you?
Is it wrong to fill your loneliness with someone, if they might not be the 'right' someone?

A Christmas Story and THE Christmas Story

4:46 p.m. on the eve of our Christmas vacation and I am one ancy lady. Either there was much too much caffeine in my tea from Starbucks or I’m just ready to bust loose from this place. (Probably a combination of both)


The other night my roommate and I exchanged Christmas presents but before doing do so we read Luke 2. (The Christmas Story) It was nice to spend that time together really relishing in the reason why we celebrate Christmas. And so, we sat on the couch and read. No music, no TV in the background, no interruptions of a cell phone. Only the pure story was heard throughout our apartment that night as we read.

It’s moments like this where I realize the purity of our Savior and find new traditions that I want to cherish for a lifetime.

*Read the Christmas Story here.

want, need, wear, read


Geez, time is truly flying. Six days left until Christmas and I still have much shopping to do. (Sad face) But, while perusing some of my favorite blogs, I must link them to you; I found the cutest idea for gift giving. I read about it first here. Granted, I don’t have the budget to do this for everyone but!, for my immediately family, thank God there are only four of us, I will attempt to do gift giving this way.

Each person gets four gifts. Something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read. I’ve already completed shopping for everyone but my brother; he’s been very specific this year, so all it requires is a quick trip to Barnes & Nobel to pick up a few bargain books that I think they might like. Trust me, my budget isn’t big so for a couple of gifts, especially my dad, they will be doing double duty, (i.e. something to you want and something to wear). I plan to make a quick trip to Michael's to buy supplies to make the adorable labels.

What gifts are you purchasing or making for the holidays?

Thankful


You know I love autumn. Something about the leaves falling and the weather getting cool just makes me happy…..enough said. I will choose to be content with who I am at this moment. And that is what I am thankful for.

Sex Part Two

OK. So I know that was quite a post yesterday but I just wanted to be honest with what I was thinking regarding sex. And here is what I learned.

Sex is the easy part. Anyone can have sex.

Some people view sex as a physical act that feels good. But, I don't see sex as strictly a physical act. For me there has to be a connection, there has to be love behind it because if there isn't then what's the point? To strictly,
"get mine?"

You know I have to say, I'm just not that kind of woman.

Sex

Sex.
Such a small with such a BIG meaning. I must say that as I write this I feel almost as if, "I'm not allowed" to talk about such things. But, God made the body and I have a body so let's talk about it.

Here is the honest truth of what I have been thinking about sex lately.

The Bible clearly states that sex before marriage, fornication is wrong. A sin.
The Bible also says that God views all sin the same way. As sin.
There isn't a bigger sin then any other sin. It's all sin.
So, if I lied to my co-worker about whether or not I had finished working on a project, or if I had sex, then it would all be seen to God the same. As sin.

Does it sound like I am justifying sex?
I'm not saying that everyone should run out immediately and have sex. I would never encourage that.
In fact I would not advise having sex until you have a full understanding of what it means and what God says about sex.

This is what I am saying in a round about way. If you just "follow the rules" of the Bible it will never become personal to you. It's not a rule book. It's God's love letter to us and we need to understand it and study and ask God to reveal things to us. If you simply abstain from sex because it's one of the rules, one day you might forget the rules and do it anyway. Trust me on that. Develop a personal relationship with God and sex won't just seem like Sex anymore.
But, I don't have all the answers. Leave a comment, let me know what you think about sex.

Hello again

Well, here I am. This feels news again, I need to stretch and get back into this. As you can see I haven’t written a post in quite some time. This was due partly to A. Being Lazy B. Getting caught up in everything else C. (Most importantly) Figuring that no one even read my blog so what’s the point

Yes, I will admit it I felt very defeated. I definitely slacked off in my writing because of disappoint but let me tell you that the Bible is so true when it says: “For your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him." Matthew 6:8b.

On Monday morning I checked my email to find this.

"Hi Lisa,

My name is Cherish and i live in London, UK,

I just recently joined the women praying boldly website and i really enjoy reading your blog twenty something. You have a creative way of capturing into writing the way you feel and your walk with the Lord, i feel inspired and I am glad that the Lord is using you to be a blessing to anyone who encounters your page and its such a blessing to me.

Many thanks and much appreciation!

Cherish!”

I was shocked. Not only did someone enjoy reading my blog but they even took the time to send me an email to let me know. Talk about encouragement! And then, because my heavenly father knows me so well, the email came from London, which is perhaps my favorite place in the world. So, to sum it all up, I feel encouraged and ready to start again. Thank you Cherish for your email. You have no idea how much it has encouraged me.

Dating and Jupiter


Is it just me or do you sometimes feel a little nervous when you read stories about women who are 35 and never married? (If you are 35 and never married, I mean no disrespect.) Look, I’m 23 and have been single for a couple of years but I know that the Lord has called me to marriage; I just don’t know when. So, when I hear stories about women who are 35 and single, I can’t help but wonder if that’s what the Lord has in mind for me. Don’t get me wrong, 35 is not old, but when I think about how I want to married for a couple of years and then have three children, 35 seems a little…distant. Trust me I know that 23 is young and that I still have ‘plenty of time’ but, the more articles I read about my current single status the more anxious I get. So, what is the solution? Don’t read articles about 35 year old single woman, go out and start dating away or just relax and wait on God? Geez, I know what the answer is but just because you know something doesn’t mean you always understand it.

For example, I know that Jupiter is 11 times the diameter of the Earth, but I don’t actually understand that. My mind can’t seem to wrap its arms around that fact. Even though my mind can’t quite comprehend it I still trust that it’s true.

So, instead of trying to understand exactly what God has planned for my particular love life, I will try (seriously try) to relax and wait to see what amazing things He’s going to do…

Money and Coffee


Ok, so I am officially an adult. And what the means to me now is that I have a significant amount of less money. Sure, I graduated from college and landed a job which could turn into a career, but I also landed, rent, car payment, health insurance, credit card debt, and student loans. It’s OK though. I am not freaking out…well not at this very moment. At times like these I cling to Philippians 4:19 and Romans 8:28.

Not only do I find myself clinging to God’s promises more but I find that I must budget better. My finances have to be controlled and that means that some common practices have to be reevaluated.

For example, my love affair with Starbucks has been reigned in. I used to get a coffee about two or three times a week. Now, unless I have a gift card, I don’t go. But, that doesn’t mean that I have to forgo my caffeine fix. Instead I make my own iced coffees at home and bought a travel cup, with a gift card, from Target. It’s much cheaper than the $4 that I would spend on my tall, non-fat, sugar free Vanilla Latte. And, I must say that they taste pretty good. Besides, I need to put that $4 in my gas tank!

Conversations and pancakes


There is something to be said about Christian women who are roommates. It’s great…not perfect, but really great. My roommate understands what struggles I go through and how much I need prayer. She doesn’t look at me funny when I am having my devotions in the morning or when I automatically hold out my hands to pray over our meals. What's really great is that she made pancakes for breakfast this morning...Thanks Renee!

I think being a Christian is awesome. I really do. I’m not saying that it’s easy but there is an amazing comfort in knowing that everything that I go through is not my battle but is the Lord’s.

Renee and I were talking about this and I had to confess that sometimes, I didn’t like that God really did control everything because I am a bit of a control…freak. (But only a little bit)

I know that God has everything under control, I really do but, sometimes I feel like I should be given the reigns every once in a while. The main area where I struggle with this is when it comes to men….Oh men how wonderful they are!

“Sometimes, I get so caught up in the statistics about men these days, especially black men, and I got to be honest; things look pretty bleak,” I said to my roommate.

“Yeah, but it’s not about what you see, it’s about what God sees.” She said it so simply that it caught me off guard.

And she was right.

Unable to see the sky

My favorite passage of scripture of all time is Psalm 139. Let me tell you, those verses have got me through some hard times. When it felt like I couldn’t pray and talk to God, I read it and wouldn’t feel 100% instantaneously but would feel a sense of comfort.

Well, I read it this morning and was just reflecting on everything that I had been going through.

I have a friend that I met over two years ago at a church conference. It was one of those meetings where people were spying on us to see if they saw any sparks fly between us. Well, there weren’t any initial sparks but I was at least willing to get a match. We exchanged email addresses and he emailed me about a month after we first met.

We started on surface topics for a while but slowly the layers of self disclosure began to peel away. Things were going well and after about six months I began to wonder if he were interested in a more then friendly way…I mean you would think that after six months he would make a move! I questioned him about it and he said, “I would love to be in a relationship with you but you live in VA and I live in TN.”

To me it wasn’t an issue but I guess long distance affects us each differently. I said OK, and we continued to email each other off and on for two years. Finally, I had enough of wondering, questioning, and hoping for something to happen. After two years I was interested and I approached my pastor and his wife about the situation and they were immediately gung ho on getting me to TN and fast. I felt this burden to pray for him and thought about him often.

Anyway, to make a looong story short it worked out that one of the ladies from my church wanted to go to TN to visit her son. Enter me and the “coincidence” of it all that I was contemplating my pen pal relationship with my friend.

Off we went to TN. I did my best to not get my hopes up, to go with an open mind. Before we had even left, I spoke to him to see if he would even be available to ‘hang out.’ He agreed that he would. Ok great. So, we got there on Wednesday morning. I was ready to go to church with him that night. No phone call. Ok, well he did say that he was able to hang out on Thursday. Thursday morning I got a text saying that he would be able to hang out but not until later. Umm…OK, you know I can go with the flow. He arrived late, and when I saw him I must admit that he looked different than what I last remembered. After several minutes of where do you want to go? No, where do you want to go? (which I always find annoying) I decided that we should go to a tourist attraction that I wanted to visit and then dinner. Don’t get me wrong, I had a good time and laughed a lot but was overall disappointed with the way things had turned out. There was no spark, not even matches this time. He dropped me off back at my friends house with promises to call.

He didn’t. I was pissed.

My pride was wounded and of course, I began to question my beauty, intelligence, spiritual-ness, any and everything that encompassed who I am. It’s sad but true and I am not ashamed to admit it. I then began to question God. Why had he led me to pray for this man so earnestly, and often? Why had He worked it out so that I would be able to visit him? It felt like God had just punk’d me and I was embarrassed and angry.

After a couple of days of being angry with God, and a little crying, I ran across Psalm 63:8. I poured it out to him. I didn’t understand why he had done what he did but I knew that it was His perfect will for my life. It wasn’t an instantaneous thing either, but I eventually, little by little am finding my way back to God. I share all of this with you because perhaps you are going through some things that you don’t understand but I just want to encourage you that God has got it. His track record has proved to be perfect in my life and I know that he wouldn’t turn His back on me now, or ever.

The Struggle

Can I be honest for a minute? I haven’t been feeling very spiritual lately. As a matter of fact I have been feeling betrayed by God. ( I know it sounds crazy but that is how I feel) It really is a long story and I will of course share it with you, but right now I just wanted to tell You who’s reading this how I was feeling, how I am feeling.

I don’t really understand how the Lord works and that was never really an issue for me until this past weekend. Now, I just want to know what He is thinking, what He has planed for me because I am strugglin.

Sometimes it feels as if the world caves in on us, at least for me; and I can’t see straight and my joy is zapped from me so quickly. I sit around waiting for the next big disaster. But today, as I was wallowing in my unhappiness I looked at my computer desk to find all of the scriptures that I had put up when I was spiritually stronger. A part of me wanted to tear it all down but the other part of me had to cling on to it.

“Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.” Psalm 63:8

Tears came to my eyes and I silently cried at my desk. I didn’t care if anybody walked by and saw me. I had come to the end of myself. Even though I doubted, my soul had no choice but to pour it out. Perhaps I just took the first step back.

Schooled

I got schooled by an eight year old. It’s true and so sad. I was babysitting three kids that go to my church on Tuesday and we were sitting down having pizza for dinner. The radio happened to be on a Christian Radio station that I am not that fond of. Let’s just say the music is a little, ‘dull’ for my taste. Anyway, the droning of the choir on the radio was starting to get to me and so I said, “Jasmyn, can we please turn off the radio. This is so boring.”

She looked at me shocked.

“How can you say this is boring? They are singing praises to God! How can anything that has to deal with God be boring?!”

I stared at her shocked. Mumbled sorry and kept eating my pizza. Eventually I started humming along.

A time for grumpiness...


OK, so this morning I woke up upset….about nothing. I wasn’t PMSing or anything, I was just pure grumpy.

Perhaps it was due mostly to the fact that we have no AC in our apartment and it’s been over 100 degrees for the past couple of days. That would make someone grumpy I presume.

Anyway, I heard a knock on the door as my roommate wanted me to help her bring in the AC unit that she got from her mom’s house. I closed my eyes and rolled over. Every single negative thought ran through my head. I looked at the clock 7:15a.m. I sighed and threw on some clothes. After a few minutes we managed to lug up the heavy AC unit. By this time it was 7:30a.m and I knew that I had to start getting ready for work. But, I also knew that I couldn’t go through the day feeling like this. All, I wanted to do was talk to my Heavenly Daddy.

I grabbed my Bible and Journal and sat in the living room and just started writing. I told Him exactly how I was feeling, how I was annoyed, hot and bothered…just so irritable. It calmed me down to be able to vent like that and have no one judge me.

You see He CREATED me so He KNOWS me. He knew exactly why I was feeling that way even though I didn’t. I then read a chapter from my devotional book about love and about how we react when we are upset and irritable. I really needed to hear that this morning and He knew it. I prayed and thanked him for His word and for His comfort. After I finished up in prayer I looked at the clock and had 15 minutes to get ready for work. I grabbed a dress quickly did my hair and ran out the door with a pop tart in hand. Even though I walked through the office doors at 8:34 instead of 8:30, those minutes that I had with the Lord this morning were priceless.

An Attempt to Show You

Ok, I must confess. (Perhaps to no one in particular.) I get a little, ok a lot, discouraged when I hurriedly boot up my PC and check my blog and see 0 comments. The only time my “blog viewed” number goes up is when I check it.

“What am I doing wrong? Why isn’t anyone visiting my blog?”

These thoughts assault my mind and I get grumpy and whiny and don’t post anything for a few days, OK weeks. But, the truth is it’s not about me. This blog is about God and all of the amazing things that He does for me and everyone each day. Some articles and verses serve as a reminder of things we have known for years and others, a new thought or idea.

If no one were to ever visit or know about my blog, I think I would keep writing. It’s my way of saying to the Lord,

“I love you, and this is my attempt to show You how much.”

Thou shalt not flirt?


I was perusing one of my favorite websites, www.boundless.org, this morning and found this. Apparently, it is an anthem from a Mennonite Women's college.

Yield not to flirtation
For yielding is sin.
Each sister will help you
Some brother to win.
Strive womanly onward
Dark passions subdued.
Don't chase after boys, girls,
Let them chase after you.

I laughed when I first read this. (I hope you did too, it's cute!) But then, I looked at the words. "Yield not to flirtation?" Wait a minute; flirting isn't a sin....right?
Well, according to my beloved friend, www.dictionary.com , flirting is;

"To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures. To act amorously without serious intention; play at love."

I choked on my water when I read that, literally. Is that what I'm really doing when I am casually applying lip gloss in front of a guy, when I touch a man’s arm or lean in a little closer and give him my best 'come hither' look, I am playing at love? Well, yes. (Please note that I do not actually have a ‘come hither’ look. I’m sure that it would look like I just have something in my eye.)

Anyway, I am quite sure that this is not how God intended his daughters to act towards men. We're supposed to act holy, and upright. We are to live with integrity. Something tells me that overt flirting doesn't exactly fit in with that.

To be honest, when I first started researching this, I couldn’t help but to be a little annoyed and think that ‘here’s another thing that I as a Christian woman am not supposed to do.’ But truthfully, it’s not like that; stick with me on this one.

There is no doubt it my mind that it is more than OK to smile at a man, to laugh with a man, to joke with a man and to be friends with a man. After all, the Bible tells us that in order to have friends we must be friendly. It’s when our actions become overt and sexual that problems arise. Come on ladies let’s be honest, do we really need to put on that much lip gloss, or touch his arm, shoulder or leg that much? (I’m not saying you do that….I’m just sayin’!)

What ever happened to women being more subtle, to being coy? We as women sometimes feel the need to throw ourselves at men. While throwing ourselves at them, we have missed one key factor. Men like the hunt, they enjoy the chase. They were hunters and gathers from the beginning for goodness sakes!

I’m not saying to become a bona fide "rules woman" but maintain a little mystery. I think that you will find that overt flirting is overrated.

So good...

Psalm 34:8
O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

Safety and Protection

Psalm 91:1-2
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God ; in him will I trust.

Above All

Ephesians 3:20
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us

Wait

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.

Good Courage

Psalm 31:24
Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

Preserve Me

Psalm 25:21
Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee.

It's all Good...

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.

Pour it Out

Psalm 63:8
Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Letting Go

“I am learning to really just give all of myself to God; to go to Him for everything that I need and want. When I am confused about things, when I need direction, when I need comforting and when I need to just cry and let it out. When I am so thankful that it brings tears to my eyes, I go to God.

I went through a period where I was really rebelling against God and to come from that to where I am now and see the change, I know that it is only by God’s grace.
I am learning to trust Him more and to cast all of my cares on him. I am learning to be more thankful. I am learning to offer myself as a sacrifice.

I am growing so much closer to my church family. Loving them and showing it by calling them, encouraging them and helping them in their time of need, reaching out to those who have been in similar situations as me.

I am learning and changing into the woman who God created me to be. Not just another girl, but a Woman who is so in love with God that she chooses to wait on Him instead of trying to figure things out on her own.

I am learning to be radiant, to let my light shine for all to see. I am learning to live by faith.
I am learning more about my ABBA father and falling in love with Him each day.”

I wrote this email to a friend four months ago and happened to run across it today. Today; where I am feeling ‘unspiritual.’ Feeling like I have made every mistake in the book more than once, more than twice even. Feelings as if, I can’t let things go; don’t want to let them go and desperately trying to figure things out on my own. Like a stubborn child who won’t give up until she gets her way, that is where I am now. I have thrown myself on the floor in yet another tantrum.

And then, I read this email. Guilt and shame engulf me. How have I moved so much? When did I move? I used to give my problems over to God and now, I hold onto to them as if they were precious diamonds. More importantly, now that I am so far away how do I get back to that place of peace? How do I become that woman who wrote those words so passionately just months ago? Where do I turn?

‘You turn back to Me.’

I hear it so quietly. And I know that He is right. I must let it go. I must.

It is so easy, for us as women, to try to solve problems, to help out and fix things. That is essentially how God designed us. But when it is required of us to relinquish all control, we struggle, we fight. We are ‘unsure.’

I will never pretend that I have all of the answers. Even if I did put on that ‘know it all’ fa├žade you would know the truth. What I do know is that I have hope. I was that passionate woman who wrote that email. I was that woman who let God rule her life.

I must let go.

I'm so excited

Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is my first official post to 'twenty-something' radiant Christian Women and I couldn't be more excited!
It has taken a lot to get here. A lot of brainstorming, headaches, resources, encouragement and prayer.
I hope that this blog will encourage you to live your faith daily, to take action, and to live with passion. Passion that the Lord has given you to accomplish His plan and will for your life.
It is also my prayer that this blog will become a resource for you to get encouraged, laugh, learn and get in touch with other 'twenty-something' women. Please, share your ideas feelings and beliefs without hesitation. {We are here to encourage not discourage.}
*Feel free to email me with any questions that you might have. I love getting mail!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails