Can I be honest for a minute? I haven’t been feeling very spiritual lately. As a matter of fact I have been feeling betrayed by God. ( I know it sounds crazy but that is how I feel) It really is a long story and I will of course share it with you, but right now I just wanted to tell You who’s reading this how I was feeling, how I am feeling.
I don’t really understand how the Lord works and that was never really an issue for me until this past weekend. Now, I just want to know what He is thinking, what He has planed for me because I am strugglin.
Sometimes it feels as if the world caves in on us, at least for me; and I can’t see straight and my joy is zapped from me so quickly. I sit around waiting for the next big disaster. But today, as I was wallowing in my unhappiness I looked at my computer desk to find all of the scriptures that I had put up when I was spiritually stronger. A part of me wanted to tear it all down but the other part of me had to cling on to it.
“Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.” Psalm 63:8
Tears came to my eyes and I silently cried at my desk. I didn’t care if anybody walked by and saw me. I had come to the end of myself. Even though I doubted, my soul had no choice but to pour it out. Perhaps I just took the first step back.